Who I Was

What was yesterday without today?

How are we supppsed to appreciate the angst?

What's worse are the words not spoken from folks just passing by

Who observe, but don't deserve your time

And in a while..

Not now, you'll see why...

Cause there were countless times you cried

Or the moments in bed alone you lied

Pitiful how we lie..

Wake up, say we try

Let the day just pass us by

But was it you?

Who was really by your side?

When it's 4am

The middle of the night

You can't sleep...the dreams get too deep..

And you imagine the reality of being awake when you're asleep

You have no one to call..,

And the ones you do think you're a creep

But don't fret

Cause you'll be foolish to forget...

Fantasizing and nightmarism is as real as it gets

But times get lonely..

Yes they do...

Yesterday, you were not the same you

Stop thinking when there's nothing to do...

People like them need you...

To need them too

But you're better than that boo

You have no choice but to accept who you are now

Cause there's no turning back now

Be the bigger person, just back down

It wasn't the ones that left..

It was the ones who were around

Weed will only enhance it

Those other dudes had their chances

No more time to live with this many advances

I promise they envy you...

Some things I wish you really knew

I'd say it to the old you

So you wouldn't have to go through

All the shit that you do

You recover so nicely then relapse

Call it getting happy

Coulda been got that back

You needed the conversations perhaps...

But the past has so many mishaps

I'm wondering if you'll ever fully get back..

Your circle is poison so get out fast

The people you fucking with now just want some ass

When you listen to the shit you think...

It don't make sense so you laugh...

How you gone take anything serious if your thoughts are so bad?

But where is your mom? What happened to your dad?

Naw, forget about that...we ain't kids no more

Can't look back....

Cause who you are now is getting sidetracked...

And you were then, you can't get back

The you 'you' are now....

Deserves better than that...

And anyone in your past...forget all that...

The past....can't get that back

Journey Of Self

The longest hug ever, was needed today

And the most held back tears were cried

Through all things....

Through all people....

Lived a girl who blossomed

It wasn't until today, that the calming of her heartbeat sustained

It was all for something

All the love she gave..

The wounds she healed....

How alone....

In a room...

How far...

Away from home...

How long...

Until she's found...

When the night draws to a close...

Where are you?

When pain is all you feel...

What do you do?

When prayer answers now...

Not how...

What would you do?

Build your own castle

Set your gates high....

And know....

That even though you feel alone

You can't be hurt anymore...

Even though you've seen no one for miles

Have hopes....

That someone will stumble across your kingdom...

And you will know...by the pounding of your own heart...

Of you shall open your gates and let another enter your realm...

That girl lived...

Long...

Alone....

And sad....

But she built her own castle....

And she NEVER let anyone in who didn't acknowledge it.

Don't Blink Twice

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Same Ones

They claim they're happy

Swear they frontin'

How could they be?

They lookin' right at me...

The same ones who appear so sweet

Are secretly plotting...

They're nasty...

The remarks they make and judgement mistakes...

How would they even know you're story?

Who loves you?

Or how much money you make?

But you can spot the real from fake.

Any day you're feeling low

Watch em shift from hate to snake..

The dudes notice it too...

So keep ya chin up boo...

You got a billion other brothas tryna get at you...

Cause the one you thought was right...

Was never really fucking you right...

Spectators want insight...

But the one you thought you could trust..

Are the same ones in the dust..

Thought they'd have your back

Stand behind you no matter what...

But they quick to get behind you, tryna catch a nut...

These fools are dangerous...

But So what....

They're not more dangerous than us..

An OG told me they're lonely, and don't get out too much..,

Watch the girls layin low....

They peep game...

They won't say much...

But let you have some drama..

And these chicks wanna do lunch...

But watch out for those girls too..

They're quick to play the fool...

Wanna give you advice..

But they're life ain't right..

And swear they got better things to do...

The minute you turn yo back..

Watch the snakes attack...

They want the attention you got...

So everyday they pray that your beauty rots..

Shhh...

Don't speak, let em listen to the sound of your gum pop...

Let your lips stay dry...

The same ones scheming on you swear they got lip gloss

Don't let em know where you shop, who you fuck, or what you bought...

Everyone swears they could do it better

Or they're telling you you're getting got...

Cause you could do better

Would do better...

Are really better...

Yeah...

Let me guess,

They're mad cause you're doing shit that they're not..

And dudes are snakes too...

Don't let em fool you..

If you give him ass tonight, then he'll try to use you

He's a jerk!

Don't spread ya legs...

The minute he gives you head...

Swear he's entitled to your bed...

Never returning the love...

So hold out and make em beg...

Cause the same ones you calling "baby"

Won't visit E.R. If you broke ya leg...

Rather watch you hurt and listen to the snakes talk dirt...

Than represent what you meant...

And place your importance first...

Wondering why your phone is dry...

You ignored the other niggas for him...

Remember?

The same ones you said had too much thirst?

Ignored all the calls from them...

You never called em back...

Let the phone ring from him, you break ya neck for that...

You let him tell you that he missed you...

Just enough to let him kiss you...

And you know what happens next...

Cause after he leaves you need tissue...

When you gonna wake up baby? 

When you gonna learn?

Niggas playing their position...

So other brothas gotta wait their turn...

Now your ex is calling you more,

Your haters lurking a lot...

The dude who claims you are nothing...

Really misses you a lot...

Set their pride aside for one second...

Let their ego frost...

Cause the same ones who were against you...now have some karma to box

And the people you thought were your friends...they're just trying to fuck a lot.

But that one person, who stood by your side...

Never stopped loving you...

And you didn't know why...

Listened to stories about you and other problems...

Even heard you cry...

The same one that had your back then...

And still has your back now...

Is the same one you keep overlooking to talk to clowns...

But you better watch out.

Karma is a never ending cycle...

Keep letting the wrong ones in and the wrong ones keep getting recycled.

You won't notice it at first...

It's a pattern of such...

Never ignore a person who cares too much...

It's better to beg for forgiveness than to beg for his touch..

Or stick around real homies that never broke that trust...

The same ones you hurt today, are the same ones who could cure your luck.

Trying

I've dived again

Not wanting to be saved this time

I called for help before

No one listened

This pain persists

The anger lives in a box next to my tears

My lips are soaked from the tears that appear when you are near

I'm falling forever 

Why can I lay here alone and forget time

The same you use to forget about me

Is the same time I use to try and forget you

Your ignorance to my pain sickens me

My appetite was donated to the souls feeding themselves off of my agony

Distrust and lust

Pain and memories

Sex and lies

Never want to leave this place they call "alone"

I'm fine here I promise

My eyes won't come off the ground to explore much else

The memories here are so familiar

If I ran forever through the grass that I lie in when I'm weak, and comforted by when I'm sleep...

Would this same grass remember me?

Will it lead me to brightness?

Will my wounds heal when I finally make it?

Because people won't understand me

I've tried to tell them all

They won't listen

I fear I am alone and always have been

Will someone look for me and find the things I have written laying next to my soft, warm hands? In a book of tattered and tear dried pages from the pain you have caused.

Truth is..

I've been gone for month

Tryna play it off smooth, like he's got better things to do

He can front that to you

Probably laying in someone's fantasy, naked.

Letting the silk white sheets hug every curve of my body

Letting the sun hit my face and ricochet off my breast into the tall mirror in front of me

The same mirror I can barely stare into

The only thing in this world that won't lie to me

I don't know what's real and what's not

I hear laughter outside

I feel pain inside 

I still can't eat

I'm more hungry for attention

The sex that used to drive me insane is now the reason for this pain

When they look at me

They..

What do you think they see?

Can they see everything?

I am afraid they can.

I tried to tell them before

But no one would listen

Happy Anniversary to the death of me

I am lost in a world full of people who don't believe in me because i believe in you

I'm not in my own mind

I can't be trusted to be there anymore

Will you wake up? 

I want my life back

You only touch me when you want 

Why are your emotions laying next to me?

In this box 

This box that you refuse to let anyone in?

Then why are you imagining me?

Why am I in your dreams?

I'm REALER than anything else ever seems

I've been trapped here for months

I'm sick of crying

Please...

Wake up..

Then wake me up....

But when you do...

Look at me and tell me that that box of emotions was real...

And I'll look back at you and tell you that my box of tears were REALER

And when I close my eyes again...just leave..

Cause the pain it causes to see you come and go....is unimaginable 

I'll trust this is all a dream. 

I pray you never wake up.

I pray I've been sleep this whole time

I've tried...

I tried...

I...

Loved you

Quieres?????

Mhmmmmm.....🎧🎶🎵🎼